Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. Rather than the lover-partner-wife-prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot. I recall all too well how some can turn every god damn conversation into a deep Buffy exploration So, yes. We are this little team of 2. WOW! The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). haha. Counseling could help because communication is an issue here because no matter how much youve talked about it nothing has changed. You just have to learn to ignore that. So yes, foster her interests, but cultivate in her an ability to relate to other people and appreciate their interests too. I was just trying to illustrate (like Wendy did) to the LW that it can be amazing when a father with very different interests introduces a kid to something they may not otherwise have been introduced to, even forcefully to a degree. Absolutely. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. July 15, 2013, 3:00 pm. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. So I was just assuming it happened similarly for LW and her daughter. Which sort of circles back to point that even if this dad doesnt connect with his daughters interests, he really should make an effort. Well, it made me sad that he didnt want to hear all about The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks when I read that. I was closer to my mom, and even closer with my friends in the neighborhood. He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. He sounds like a domineering and boring person. Being My Husbands Caregiver is Exhausting. That said, its important to try to resolve the conflict constructively. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. July 2, 2013, 12:34 pm. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Mommy and daddy love each other. 6napkinburger sign, Get the day's headlines delivered directly to your inbox, You need to be gentle but honest with your friend about her crush. If the later is the case, I would seriously consider whether or not husband wants to change and work on himself and if not, I would maybe get out. Way to become a teenager yourself dad. 1. honeybeenicki He wasnt invested in making mini-hims at all, and I am so grateful for my dad. I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. I think compromise and parental teamwork will go a long way here. Also, by disparaging the hobbies of the daughter, he is also disparaging his wifes interests. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. I hope the LW looks to the comments because she is not wrong to feel hurt and confused and could have used guidance which I dont think you supplied. Im willing to bet you (and me and others) would have done the same thing back to him when he mentioned something that you didnt like. She along with his son & ex wife all live 3000 miles away. This jealousy can manifest in destructive behavior, such as belittling his wife or trying to undermine her relationships with others. than it is to have fun with them although you should have fun while doing so. lets_be_honest Of course, few 12-year-olds are really *excited* to have to read stuff from the Wall Street Journal, or to be asked to do mental math about ROTH versus traditional IRAs. My plan is to lock mine in the basement and bribe her into going to a local college. Great suggestion! My brother did not. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. painted_lady I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. Yes, he makes fun of my sister and mother and i whenever we talk a lot about Girly things, like makeup and hair, which I find annoying and a little jerky; but I dont think hes failed at parenting because of it. July 2, 2013, 12:30 pm. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. Or are they just not able to love without losing themselves? What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? bittergaymark Im going to disagree here, Wendy, and say that I think your response is filtered through your own happy, loving experience. How the States Got Their Shapes for one. But while we would toss a softball back and forth to help me work on not flinching, he would let me rattle on and on about whatever inane thing had my interest (I didnt read much fiction, beyond Harry Potter, but I read a lot of nature books, so I would talk about whatever animal I had been reading about recently. Its like a circle of hell specifically for we of the ADHD. You raised a very good point that I didnt even mention. Your Family Doesn't Want To See You Together. She may not have attended every softball game, but she never missed a dance recital or play, and always made sure I had a clean uniform for those softball games and a snack to take with me. I hated, and still do, all of those things. I consider myself mature and intelligent, yet Ill still watch mindless shit sometimes. The episode where Picard experiences an entire lifetime with a wife, children, grandchildren etc. Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. 5 Things to Do When Your Spouse is Driving You Crazy Let them know that, in your eyes, they are precious and beautiful beyond . We try to make it fun and do it as a family (not go to your room and read 3 Nat Geo articles and I want a full report) and often make games of it. honeybeenicki Forget it. The conflict between your husband and daughter is bound to happen. On the other side, my sister hates sports and has ZERO in common with my dad and I would say prefers my mom to him. That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. Im guessing that you probably make comments about him every so often to your daughter. My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. Ive been there. But I agree with everything else you said. But he always treated me like an adult and respected and loved me and I think he had a huge hand in making me a pretty confident 24 year old woman and I know what I want and deserve from boyfriends. My dad and I developed a healthy give-and-take relationship when I was this age. I have vivid memories of being forced to attend Cardinals games with my dad because my mom said it was important. See a different horoscope: Select Please implore him to realize that if one of your daughters peers was reacting similarly to her, the two of you would deplore that child as a Mean Kid. lets_be_honest I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. But for practical advice: board games. And LW, just because there is communicating going on around you doesnt mean that your family has good, healthy, communication. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. That means theres a common ground there, even if its the size of a postage stamp. Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. My dad was also much more stern, and as a shy kid, he made me sort of uncomfortable at times. Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . I must just not be seeing things clearly. It should be a crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. At a certain point you just have to laugh at all the differences and enjoy the fact that the other person is having a good time! Im breaking out in hives. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that we end up with ridiculous escalating fights. She doesnt want counseling, but maybe parenting classes? lets_be_honest My favorite things in the world when I was a kid were books, baton twirling, girl scouts, dance, and trivia game shows. She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. When you try to get them to acknowledge what they are doing by weaving the past into the present, they dont agree with your account of what happened. I can't even. ! And they were kind of blas, like, Oh, we didnt? He also occasionally went to movies with us. When combined with the eye rolling and disparaging, that all adds up to he isnt joking about it. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. I definitely DONT think my experience and this familys are similar. Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. My mom and I enjoyed science fiction and fantasy books, while my dad liked hunting and only has read maybe 10 books in his life. Not Ready To See You With Anyone Other Than Their Biological Father. lets_be_honest After all, youre two different people with different perspectives, needs, and wants. Your husband and your daughter are both geeks at heart, which is encouraging. Although this trip, for the first time ever, I strung the fish after I caught it. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. I was/am (?) Many things can contribute to this type of conflicts, such as personality clashes or differing parenting styles. And LW- anyone who tells you Firefly is not a good show doesnt know what their talking about! They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! painted_lady This is partly why it can be so challenging to get a cognitively impaired individual to stop driving. It doesnt necessarily mean I hate it when you talk about Buffy. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. My husband has a son from a previous relationship and my husband treats him sooo badly. Substance Abuse and Child Custody | WomansDivorce I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. Haha! So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. Thats still not OK. But it isnt you guys against him. Beware of These 5 Ways You May Unintentionally Push Your Man Away One thing that works is to invite a friend along because then she looks forward to the activity and has fun and at the same time she is still interacting with parents. Try to find something that they can both enjoy, maybe small doses of togetherness at first. For older adults, taking away their driving privileges can be traumatic and can even cause depression. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. 1. But it was annoying. He is honest, reliable, and sincere. His father worked out of town 5 days a week and was hunting on the weekends during hunting season, so my husband would see him maybe one day a week. It struck me the wrong way, too. But you know what? Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. Asshole My son had his wedding days ago. So maybe Mom here does need to let go, and open the daughter up to a better relationship with Dad. 11 Ways Narcissistic Fathers Damage Their Children - Divorced Moms Both parents have to work on appreciating her interests and her, while asking her to explore theirs as well. And musicals should be revered as an art form. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. I would call that well-rounded. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. July 2, 2013, 12:15 pm. You might have started asking yourself, Is this person taunting me on purpose? Awesome show full of information. Not seeing their daughters as people who can make good decisions. July 2, 2013, 2:09 pm, Absolutely agree. Im also coming from a place where I 100% agree with Wendy that her interests could also change next month or next year so its more about tone/approach/attitude than actual activities. YES! Go to a murder mystery night and talk about Sherlock. Discuss that there are other things to talk about sure. My father (and mother, if I want to be totally honest) would criticize anything that my sister and I had an interest in, regardless of how much value it did or did not have. Good stuff all around! Parents have rolled their eyes at teenage pop drek for generations. FIONA SAYS: It's never too late to change patterns so long as he's willing. Hed take me to Barnes and Noble and buy me a new Star Wars fan magazine every time. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. At that age when your self-esteem is barely functioning (middle school was a bitch for me and most women I know, even if you were cool and confident) I cant imagine how hurtful it must be for her to be mocked. July 2, 2013, 12:00 pm, Haha, I know your story honey, and am very jealous of your mom. Wow, Im glad Im not the only one whose beliefs on the cosmos/humanity have been influenced by Star Trek. They wouldnt do that, would they? Be her parent and let her friends be her friends. In reality, I think its probably somewhere between the two extremes and I think the LW has a chance to strengthen her bond with her husband and the bond between child and dad. It was nothing but glassy-eyed stares and yawning. (Which is fine, I guess. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. Make it clear that it's not just his children that feel this way but you as well, and that something must change. However, my dad, who had all daughters, liked baseball and basketball and he was an outdoorsman. lets_be_honest I hated being around my father because it was constant criticism about my interests, which frankly, felt very personal because I was deficient for not being what he wanted. What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com He may feel like hes being left out or that he isnt good enough for his daughter. 2. Like I said, I consider myself a mature, intelligent adult, yet I read People magazine. Hes not interested in that because that would require work and compromise on his part. They loved it, I hated it. Too little time to post! We didnt have to share the same interests, but it was spending time with each other that mattered. Distance In Relationship With Grown Child - Focus on the Family He is also very critical of both of US Hed had a lot to drink and wanted sex right then. We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. What if your partner rolled his eyes and engaged in ever escalating arguments would you keep pushing them together!?! He is into science so a consultation with a trained professional may be exactly what he needs. Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. She wasnt responding to the father though. I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! but this might be the best Ive ever read here. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. You got a long with him just fine before she got in to this stage in life, and you need to act like a grown-up every once in a while, because this guys is losing his wife and his daughter, partly because you want to be her friend more than her parent all of the time.
my husband is driving my daughter away
